People in Scotland plant gardens.
40 degrees -- Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Scotland sunbathe.
35 degrees -- Italian cars won't start.
People in Scotland drive with the windows down.
20 degrees -- Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.
15 degrees -- Californians begin to evacuate the state.
People in Scotland go swimming.
Zero degrees -- New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Scotland have the last bbq before it gets cold.
10 degrees below zero -- People in Miami cease to exist.
People in Scotland lick flagpoles.
20 degrees below zero -- Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.
80 degrees below zero -- Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Scottish Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
100 degrees below zero -- Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Scotland pull down their ear flaps.
173 degrees below zero -- Ethyl alcohol freezes.
People in Scotland get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
297 degrees below zero -- Microbial life start to disappear.
Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 degrees below zero -- ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Scotland start saying "chilly, you cal an aw?"
500 degrees below zero -- Hell freezes over. Aberdeen win the Cup.
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