Everyone think of their best and join in......
Q: What's Black, White and Red and has can't get through doors?
A: A nun with a spear through her head.
Sickest jokes.....
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tiranova
- Posts: 1511
- Joined: Fri May 16, 2003 4:34 pm
- Location: Bristol, UK
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tiranova
- Posts: 1511
- Joined: Fri May 16, 2003 4:34 pm
- Location: Bristol, UK
Heres a few
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Answer phone message
"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
I went to buy some camoflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Answer phone message
"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
I went to buy some camoflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
Liz
[url=http://www.peugeot206cc.co.uk/newowners?id=468]Ex-Owner 468[/url]
Now driving Mercedes SLK280
[url=http://www.peugeot206cc.co.uk/newowners?id=468]Ex-Owner 468[/url]
Now driving Mercedes SLK280
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CB
- Posts: 4312
- Joined: Mon Apr 08, 2002 1:00 am
- Location: Classified
C4 is to examine the rise and fall of tragic comic Rod Hull who went from riches to rags before his bizarre death in 1999.
Rod Hull: A Bird In The Hand on July 3 looks at how a comedian who was a household name in the '70s and '80s thanks to his double act with glove puppet Emu, died aged 63 with less than £2,000 in the bank.
A spokesman for C4 said: "It's about his rise and fall and the fortune he lost."
The documentary reveals he earned just £500 for his last gig before his death in March 1999.
The spokesman said: "The man who once pulled in TV audiences of 11m was paid just £500 to perform at a 30th birthday bash in a London bar.
"His declining years were spent eking out a living, surviving on a meagre income from occasional bookings with Emu, a sidekick he'd come to hate. He was declared bankrupt in 1994 and his mansion had been repossessed."
According to the documentary Hull could barely afford his rent when he died in a fall from the roof of his cottage in East Sussex. The comic, who shot to fame with Emu in the '70s, fell while adjusting his TV aerial to get a better signal for a Manchester United game.
Rod Hull: A Bird In The Hand on July 3 looks at how a comedian who was a household name in the '70s and '80s thanks to his double act with glove puppet Emu, died aged 63 with less than £2,000 in the bank.
A spokesman for C4 said: "It's about his rise and fall and the fortune he lost."
The documentary reveals he earned just £500 for his last gig before his death in March 1999.
The spokesman said: "The man who once pulled in TV audiences of 11m was paid just £500 to perform at a 30th birthday bash in a London bar.
"His declining years were spent eking out a living, surviving on a meagre income from occasional bookings with Emu, a sidekick he'd come to hate. He was declared bankrupt in 1994 and his mansion had been repossessed."
According to the documentary Hull could barely afford his rent when he died in a fall from the roof of his cottage in East Sussex. The comic, who shot to fame with Emu in the '70s, fell while adjusting his TV aerial to get a better signal for a Manchester United game.
[img]http://bluntman.d2.net.au/newsmilies/brick.gif[/img]
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tiranova
- Posts: 1511
- Joined: Fri May 16, 2003 4:34 pm
- Location: Bristol, UK
Right CB, I get it now!C4 is to examine the rise and fall of tragic comic Rod Hull who went from riches to rags before his bizarre death in 1999.
Rod Hull: A Bird In The Hand on July 3 looks at how a comedian who was a household name in the '70s and '80s thanks to his double act with glove puppet Emu, died aged 63 with less than £2,000 in the bank.
A spokesman for C4 said: "It's about his rise and fall and the fortune he lost."
The documentary reveals he earned just £500 for his last gig before his death in March 1999.
The spokesman said: "The man who once pulled in TV audiences of 11m was paid just £500 to perform at a 30th birthday bash in a London bar.
"His declining years were spent eking out a living, surviving on a meagre income from occasional bookings with Emu, a sidekick he'd come to hate. He was declared bankrupt in 1994 and his mansion had been repossessed."
According to the documentary Hull could barely afford his rent when he died in a fall from the roof of his cottage in East Sussex. The comic, who shot to fame with Emu in the '70s, fell while adjusting his TV aerial to get a better signal for a Manchester United game.
Liz
[url=http://www.peugeot206cc.co.uk/newowners?id=468]Ex-Owner 468[/url]
Now driving Mercedes SLK280
[url=http://www.peugeot206cc.co.uk/newowners?id=468]Ex-Owner 468[/url]
Now driving Mercedes SLK280
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CB
- Posts: 4312
- Joined: Mon Apr 08, 2002 1:00 am
- Location: Classified
Q: What do Fat people do in the summertime ?
A: Stink.
Q: What goes "click click click, is that it?, click click click, is that it?..........."
A: A blind man with a Rubiks cube.
Q: How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
A: Nail it's other hand to the floor.
Q: Why did Princess Di cross the road?
A: She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Q: Why can't Barbie get pregnant?
A: Because Ken comes in a different box.
Q: What's dangerous and eats nuts?
A: Syphilis.
Q: What's ugly and sleeps alone ?
A: Yoko Ono.
Q: What's 60 feet long and stinks of piss?
A: A conga in an old peoples home
Q: What's black and blue and smokes in the corner?
A: A baby chewing on an extention cord
Q. What is better than winning a medal at the Paraplegic-olympics?
A. Having two legs.
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.
Is that enough for now? Sorry.
A: Stink.
Q: What goes "click click click, is that it?, click click click, is that it?..........."
A: A blind man with a Rubiks cube.
Q: How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
A: Nail it's other hand to the floor.
Q: Why did Princess Di cross the road?
A: She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Q: Why can't Barbie get pregnant?
A: Because Ken comes in a different box.
Q: What's dangerous and eats nuts?
A: Syphilis.
Q: What's ugly and sleeps alone ?
A: Yoko Ono.
Q: What's 60 feet long and stinks of piss?
A: A conga in an old peoples home
Q: What's black and blue and smokes in the corner?
A: A baby chewing on an extention cord
Q. What is better than winning a medal at the Paraplegic-olympics?
A. Having two legs.
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.
Is that enough for now? Sorry.
[img]http://bluntman.d2.net.au/newsmilies/brick.gif[/img]
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CB
- Posts: 4312
- Joined: Mon Apr 08, 2002 1:00 am
- Location: Classified
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Greenday
- Posts: 1480
- Joined: Sat Feb 15, 2003 7:54 pm
- Location: Gloucestershire
That is pure evilOk, one more...
When Linda McCartney died, Paul gathered his family round the spamspam table...
"Kids...I've got some good news and some bad news..."
"The bad news is your mums dead..."
"The good news - steak for tea tonight!!!"
For 206CC automatic roof devices check out
www.pugmatic.co.uk
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