I am suffering with my back again and feeling very sorry for myself
Anyone got any good jokes
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Julia
- Posts: 2604
- Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2001 1:00 am
I don't want one of those LOOONGGGGG pages of jokes but one or two witty jokes would be cool
I am suffering with my back again and feeling very sorry for myself
I am suffering with my back again and feeling very sorry for myself
[img]http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/simpson/Smilie04sim.gif[/img] [img]http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/simpson/Smilie03sim.gif[/img] [img]http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/simpson/Smilie06sim.gif[/img] [img]http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/simpson/Smilie07sim.gif[/img] [img]http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/simpson/177.gif[/img]
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Lyndon
- Site Admin
- Posts: 5416
- Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2001 1:00 am
- Location: Notts,England
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Vivi
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Mon Sep 23, 2002 11:07 am
- Location: Isleworth, Middlesex
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex
shop.
Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily wobbles the few feet across the
store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales
clerk: "Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies:"Yes we do have
dildos. Actually we carry many different models."
The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn
inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss ththiickk?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do."
Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ffff**********ggg
ttthingggg offffff?"
shop.
Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily wobbles the few feet across the
store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales
clerk: "Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies:"Yes we do have
dildos. Actually we carry many different models."
The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn
inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss ththiickk?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do."
Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ffff**********ggg
ttthingggg offffff?"
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MattB
- Site Admin
- Posts: 1609
- Joined: Fri Dec 27, 2002 8:07 pm
- Location: Leeds
Apologies to those offended...!
Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
Because if it walked it would be mugged.
Man walks into a shop in Liverpool:
Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife?
Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you?
What do you call a Scouser in a suit?
The accused.
What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?
A burglar.
What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.
If you see a Scouser on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bike.
What's the difference between a Scouser and a broken clock? Even a
broken clock is right twice a day!
What has sperm and scousers got in common?
Only one in a million works
What did Jesus say to the scousers before he died?
Don't do anything until I get back...
Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
Because if it walked it would be mugged.
Man walks into a shop in Liverpool:
Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife?
Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you?
What do you call a Scouser in a suit?
The accused.
What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?
A burglar.
What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.
If you see a Scouser on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bike.
What's the difference between a Scouser and a broken clock? Even a
broken clock is right twice a day!
What has sperm and scousers got in common?
Only one in a million works
What did Jesus say to the scousers before he died?
Don't do anything until I get back...
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Alex LS
- Posts: 1895
- Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2002 1:00 am
- Location: Slough, UK
A three day holiday?What did Jesus say to the scousers before he died?
Don't do anything until I get back...
"It is not an ordinary job. It is not like being manager of Aston Villa." - Gérard Houllier
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Julia
- Posts: 2604
- Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2001 1:00 am
Excellent guys! Keep em coming!
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Alex LS
- Posts: 1895
- Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2002 1:00 am
- Location: Slough, UK
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
but she didn't wear that one very often
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.
Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dickhead."
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
said "F*** him, He's only an egg."
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
and turned it's wool to nylon
Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Franky.
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.
Little Boy Blew.
Hey. He needed the money.
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
but she didn't wear that one very often
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.
Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dickhead."
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
said "F*** him, He's only an egg."
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
and turned it's wool to nylon
Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Franky.
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.
Little Boy Blew.
Hey. He needed the money.
"It is not an ordinary job. It is not like being manager of Aston Villa." - Gérard Houllier
[url=http://www.peugeot206cc.co.uk/newowners?id=386]Owner #386[/url] - [url=http://alexlslfc.users.btopenworld.com/pug/][u]My pug stuff[/u][/url]
[url=http://www.peugeot206cc.co.uk/newowners?id=386]Owner #386[/url] - [url=http://alexlslfc.users.btopenworld.com/pug/][u]My pug stuff[/u][/url]
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dombake
- Posts: 123
- Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2002 2:06 pm
- Location: Basildon - Swindon
A Scouser walks in to the job centre....
He walks up to the desk and the gentleman behind it asks "what can i do for you?"
"I would like a job" replied the scouser.
"I have just the thing for you, a rich business man needs a chaufer for his 18 year old daughter" the gentleman said to the scouser. "It pays £200k a year, you get your lunch paid for, 6 weeks holiday, non contributory pension and you get to keep the Merc for the weekends"
"Your having a laugh" said the scouser, shocked at such a good deal.
"Well" replied the gentleman, "YOU STARTED IT!!"
He walks up to the desk and the gentleman behind it asks "what can i do for you?"
"I would like a job" replied the scouser.
"I have just the thing for you, a rich business man needs a chaufer for his 18 year old daughter" the gentleman said to the scouser. "It pays £200k a year, you get your lunch paid for, 6 weeks holiday, non contributory pension and you get to keep the Merc for the weekends"
"Your having a laugh" said the scouser, shocked at such a good deal.
"Well" replied the gentleman, "YOU STARTED IT!!"
