IF STAR WARS WAS SET IN GLASGOW

[Alex LS]

IF STAR WARS WAS SET IN GLASGOW
-------------------------------

Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall,
from Blackhill and called Shug. He'd have the same amount of body hair but
would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably
sport a Rangers top.

Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his
cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as
Wanky-Nobby.

Darth Vader would referred to as 'Auld Helmet Heid' or in moments of stress
'That Dome-Heided Basturd'

R2D2 would refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because of the
high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a speeding train/set on
fire.

Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to
understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He would
regularly get beaten up for being a 'greetin-faced poof fae Milngavie'.

The Millenium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and
extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record I Love Scotland
sticker in the back window and a saltire bumper sticker.

Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run
very fast when you're wearing 5inch platform heels and a tiny silver
mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps. And
you've been a heavy smoker since you were 6.

The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate
all out attack. Two easy ways would be - alter its orbit so it passed
through Bridgeton and tell the locals it was full of kafflicks, or - leave
it unattended in Easterhouse.


Lines from the film as they would be uttered in the vernacular:-

Han Solo
I've got a real bad feeling about this"
"Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy"

"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."
"Come right ahead then c*nts! Fight the f*cking lot o ye!"

"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny."
"The Force?!! D'youse think ah came doon wi the rain?!"

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your
side, kid."
"Nae messin aboot wi the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man. Get yersel'
a decent shooter"

Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker:
"The Force is strong in this one"
"Stop shooglin' ya wee bastad!"

Princess Leia:
"You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
"Ah didny think they took short-erses in the polis?"

"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
"Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' shite"

Admiral Motti:
"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
"You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do. Well we're no feart ae you!"

Obi Wan:
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
"F*ck me! whit wiz aw that?"

Luke to the Emperor:
"Your overconfidence is your weakness."
"Oh ye bloody think so?, i'll make you feel the f*cking force pal!!"

[Ben302]

True

[Derek]

very true

[CB]

rotflmao

[kirstys-pug]

PMSL!!!

How come u know glasgow so well! lol