Useless facts:-
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.
A shrimp's heart is in their head.
People say Bless you when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a mili-second.
In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.
It is physically impossible for cops to look up into the sky.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
Rats and horses can't vomit.
The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force when you sneeze, they can pop out.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
If the U.S. government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16,1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
35% of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.
In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Cat's urine glows under a black-light.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow .
useless facts
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Lyndon
- Site Admin
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- Location: Notts,England
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stephen T
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Wed May 22, 2002 1:00 am
www.cruisewales.com i stole some1's post. lol
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Ben302
- Posts: 905
- Joined: Mon May 27, 2002 1:00 am
- Location: Gillingham Kent
Here it is folks, what you have all been waiting for......
THE 2002 DARWIN AWARDS!
The big day is here. The identities of the candidates have
finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, it's an
annual honor given to the person who provided the Universal Human Gene Pool the biggest service by getting killed, or doing their best to get killed, in the most extraordinary stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event!
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
In addition to the winner:
1) In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grating trying to retrieve his car keys.
2) In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his
daily run.
3) Buxton, North Carolina: A man died on a beach when an
8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21 dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath five feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, Virginia, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4) In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, California,
as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in
his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed through the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
5) According to police in Dahlonega, Georgia, ROTC cadet
Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey
Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.
6) Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Delaware, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
7) In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario,
Daniel Kolta, 27,and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
1) In Guthrie, Oklahoma, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted
off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, penetrating his skull.
2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that destroyed the first and second floors of
his house.
3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, New Jersey, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 am, the bored couple apparently lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
TACOMA, Washington-Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-
jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
conversation grew more heated and at least ten men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
fireman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS.......................
Paderborn, Germany-Over-zealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen."
THE 2002 DARWIN AWARDS!
The big day is here. The identities of the candidates have
finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, it's an
annual honor given to the person who provided the Universal Human Gene Pool the biggest service by getting killed, or doing their best to get killed, in the most extraordinary stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event!
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
In addition to the winner:
1) In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grating trying to retrieve his car keys.
2) In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his
daily run.
3) Buxton, North Carolina: A man died on a beach when an
8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21 dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath five feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, Virginia, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4) In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, California,
as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in
his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed through the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
5) According to police in Dahlonega, Georgia, ROTC cadet
Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey
Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.
6) Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Delaware, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
7) In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario,
Daniel Kolta, 27,and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
1) In Guthrie, Oklahoma, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted
off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, penetrating his skull.
2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that destroyed the first and second floors of
his house.
3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, New Jersey, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 am, the bored couple apparently lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
TACOMA, Washington-Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-
jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
conversation grew more heated and at least ten men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
fireman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS.......................
Paderborn, Germany-Over-zealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen."
We're gonna get our trophies back [url=http://www.peugeot206cc.co.uk/newowners?id=302]Owner 302[/url]
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stephen T
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Wed May 22, 2002 1:00 am
At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains.
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third.
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
"Thank G*d, we can all still drive!" said one woman cheerfully.
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third.
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
"Thank G*d, we can all still drive!" said one woman cheerfully.
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stephen T
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Wed May 22, 2002 1:00 am
3 elderly gentlemen are sitting around a table complaining about health problems.
First one says "It's been almost 24 hours and I haven't had a bowel movement. It's starting to bother me so I'll go and see the nurse later on."
Second one says "24 hours! You think you've got problems? I haven't been able to use the toilet in a week!"
Third one says "Guys...every morning at 7am I have a good clearout. Then, at 8am I go again."
First guy says "So what the hell are you complaining about?"
Third guy - "I don't get out of bed until 9am"
First one says "It's been almost 24 hours and I haven't had a bowel movement. It's starting to bother me so I'll go and see the nurse later on."
Second one says "24 hours! You think you've got problems? I haven't been able to use the toilet in a week!"
Third one says "Guys...every morning at 7am I have a good clearout. Then, at 8am I go again."
First guy says "So what the hell are you complaining about?"
Third guy - "I don't get out of bed until 9am"
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YateleyBoyz
- Posts: 97
- Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2002 12:20 am
- Location: Surrey/Hants
:idea: There are more convertibles in the U.K. than in France, Spain, and Portugal combined. (There are no statistics available as to how many of those rattle or leak)
All polar bears are left handed. "Left-pawed" is actually what the bears are . . . and the bears tell us that their lack of thumbs is more of a problem than being left pawed.
Which English football club has no letters in its name that are the same in the letters in mackerel?
Answer: Swindon Town.
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
The above brought to you courtesy of http://www.dullmen.com
All polar bears are left handed. "Left-pawed" is actually what the bears are . . . and the bears tell us that their lack of thumbs is more of a problem than being left pawed.
Which English football club has no letters in its name that are the same in the letters in mackerel?
Answer: Swindon Town.
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
The above brought to you courtesy of http://www.dullmen.com
Rain or shine - topless is fine!!
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paul_y3k
- Posts: 2422
- Joined: Thu May 09, 2002 1:00 am
- Location: Swindon