Big Bother

Robbie · Post by **Robbie** » Sun Jul 21, 2002 5:10 pm

Robbie finally agrees to Big Bother's ultimatum of either being counselled or restricted to one square metre of space in the Big Bother sitting room.

The counsellor disappears with Robbie into the diary Room.

The remaining members are worried, even Lyndon. A series of wailing shreiks could be heard coming from inside the diary room during the course of the afternoon, but curiously, not from Robbie.

Finally the door opens. The counsellor rushes out screaming, in his haste he almost knocks down Big Bother members to get away, only stopping to ask Lyndon the nearest way to Beachy Head. The counsellor wishes to throw himself and his Pug off the top.

Lyndon nods his head, he understands how the counsellor is feeling, Lyndon takes out his map and starts to give directions.

Robbie

??:

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[ This Message was edited by: Robbie on 2002-07-22 01:37 ]

CB · Post by CB » Mon Jul 22, 2002 6:15 pm

[N] ITS EVICTION DAY AND THE BIG BOTHER HOUSEMATES ARE NEARLY DOWN TO THE FINAL THREE. TENSION IS MOUNTING SO LAST NIGHT BB GAVE THE HOUSEMATES 5 LITRES OF METHELAYTED SPIRITS TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD. THE HOUSEMATES QUICKLY GOT BLIND DRUNK AND ENTERED INTO A CLOTHES SWAPPING GAME. LYNDON PAIRED UP WITH JULIA AND TRUNG DREW THE SHORT STRAW AND GOT PAIRED UP WITH ROBBIE. SOON THE HOUSEMATES WERE ROLLING AROUND THE GARAGE FLOOR, NAKED AS THE DAY THEY WERE BORN. THEN, AT 3am THE FUN WAS CUT SHORT AS ROBBIES ANTICS ONCE AGAIN SPILLED OVER INTO OBSCENITY. BIG BOTHER ISSUED ROBBIE WITH HIS FINAL STRIKE. ANY MORE UPSETS AND HE WILL BE KICKED OUT. THE HOUSEMATES HAVE SPENT THE WHOLE DAY TODAY AVOIDING ROBBIE, ESPECIALLY TRUNG, AS IT WAS HIM THE 'UNPLEASANTNESS' INVOLVED. TRUNG IS CONVINCED HE WILL BE THE NEXT EVICTEE TONIGHT AND TO BE HONEST, HE'S PROBABLY RIGHT.
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Big Bother house...this is Greg. Please do not swear or you will be 'moderated'. I can reveal the next housemate to be evicted is...

Trung (gasp shock horror)

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[N] THE FINAL THREE ARE NOW KNOWN...LYNDON, ROBBIE AND JULIA. YOU ARE NOW NO LONGER VOTING FOR THE PERSON YOU WANT TO EVICT, YOU WILL BE VOTING FOR THE PERSON YOU WANT TO WIN. THE FINAL IS ON FRIDAY. STANDBY FOR THE FINAL WEEK IN THE BIG BOTHER GARAGE...
BB

Julia · Post by **Julia** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 6:18 pm

Woohoo!
Wish the prize was Â£70k!

CB · Post by CB » Mon Jul 22, 2002 6:20 pm

You'll be lucky if the prize is 70p!!!!!

Robbie · Post by **Robbie** » Tue Jul 23, 2002 9:11 am

Robbie feels there is still time to change people's opinions of him and to win Big Bother.

Robbie's quite a timid harmless soul, if but a bit "misunderstood"

Robbie decided to hold a sophisticated party, he has smuggled drink and food into the house. He has hung underwear over Big Bother cameras to confuse Big Bother.

The night draws to a close, Champagne bottles and monkey nuts litter the floor, [quite why peugeot mechanics lay drunk on the floor of Big Bother isn't known].

Julia hics quietly to herself and declares its time to retire to her bedroom. Lyndon looks at his cartier watch and declares it is time to turn in also, both leave Robbie alone to sleep.

Lyndon is nervous, he wonders if it is safe to leave Robbie to his own devices.

Robbie has an idea, he always has good ideas after a little drinky.

Robbie feels its time to cheer fellow members up. He works all night in Big Bother garage where sounds of tinkling can be heard .....................[Robbie hasn't time to use Big bother toilet].

Some hours later, Robbie enters Lyndon's Big Bother bedroom, but first he has to negotiate some cheeky little ideas from Lyndon to stop Robbie from accidently burning his new quarters.

Robbie carefully negotiates the grenade trip wire, anti-Robbie mine and booby trap. Robbie carefully disengages the wire connected to the shot gun on Lyndon's door handle.

Finally Robbie enters Lyndon's bedroom.
Lyndon and Julia wake up to be greeted by Robbie, Julia raises her head hesitantly from the covers, there is oil on Robbie's hands.

Lyndon " " [Translator - ugh ! what the b***dy hell are you up to now - how did you get past my .... oh, never mind].

Robbie blinks hesitantly.

Robbie "Ummm, I have a surprise"

AAAAAAAAAGGHHHH!! can be heard in unison by the remainder Big Bother members.

Robbie enthusiastically guides Lyndon and Julia into Big bother garage.

There standing before them lay two Pugs or that was what they had been once upon a time.

In one corner stood a heap of car parts, shiny panels, leather seats and chrome parts.

Robbie triumphantly points to two chassis in the other corner. On the top of each sits a seat and an engine at the front. They resemble go karts.

Robbie - " me wanted to cheer both you up. Decided to create racing go karts. Inspired by Rob's racing Pumas".

Lyndon - " " [Translator - long slow moaning groan - tell me its not true]

Julia - " Er very nice Robbie but where are our Pugs? "

Robbie points to the go karts with a smile.

A high pitched girlie scream could be heard within a 10 mile radius of Big Bother. From inside Big bother garage, Lyndon and Julia can just see a go kart track in the garden. Interestingly enough, Big Bother pool has been dismantled and a muddy track has been created.

Lyndon picks up a monkey wrench - and heads towards Robbie who backs away "I have a few things to do now" can be heard from Robbie as he flees towards Lyndon's bedroom.

Robbie decides to hide within an extensive wardrobe full of cardigans he has found in Lyndon's bedroom, no-one will possibly find him there.

In big Bother garage Julia sighs. She sits in the middle of a heap of car parts which were once her beautiful Pug. What is she going to do with that Robbie she wonders.

Robbie.

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[ This Message was edited by: Robbie on 2002-07-23 08:20 ]

Dave-T · Post by **Dave-T** » Tue Jul 23, 2002 10:32 am

good luck Robbie, Lyndon & Julia. All the best..

GregS, thanks for all the memories.

PS/ Just got a call from Paramount Studio, they want me for Jackie Chan stunt double. hehehe

Julia · Post by **Julia** » Tue Jul 23, 2002 10:49 am

Bring on Rush Hour 3!!!
(Anyone know if they are making one?)

Frosty · Post by **Frosty** » Tue Jul 23, 2002 10:58 am

Hey Greg, I'd love to see some stats and research that objectively back that up!

CB · Post by CB » Tue Jul 23, 2002 11:43 am

On 2002-07-23 09:58, Frosty wrote:
Hey Greg, I'd love to see some stats and research that objectively back that up!

What? Give me a quote Frosty, I'm

??: as to what you mean?

CB · Post by CB » Fri Jul 26, 2002 2:01 pm

[N] ITS THE FINAL FULL DAY IN THE BIG BOTHER GARAGE. THE THREE REMAINING HOUSEMATES, LYNDON, JULIA AND ROBBIE HAVE BEEN DISCUSSING IN SOME LENGTH WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO DO WITH THEIR NEW FOUND FAME WHEN THEY LEAVE TOMORROW.
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Lyndon: I want to become the 'Master of the Internet' and control everything and everyone...
Julia: You mean like a Bill Gates type figure?
Lyndon: Well.........
Robbie: More like Patrick Moore in 'GamesMaster'!!!
Lyndon: Oi, thats enough of your cheek Robbie...settle down or i'll have to 'Administrate' you!
Robbie: sorry Master.
Lyndon: What about you Julia?
Julia: I'm going to become an adventurer...sort of like a cross between Lara Croft, Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter and Indiana Jones.
Robbie: ooh ask me Lyndon...ask me...
Lyndon: [sigh] go on then Robbie..what about you?
Robbie: I'm going to spend my time going round flash car dealers, putting down deposits on really eexpensive cars and then - get this - CANCELLING THE ORDERS at the last minute! Oh the look on those salesmans faces is gonna be a picture after they realise i've fooled them into thinking i was going to buy an SLK or a Ferrari or something!!!
Lyndon: [sigh]
Julia: Oh come on - why are we still in here! Come on Big bother put us out of our misery...let us OUT!!!!!!!!!

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Stay tuned - BB winner and losers announced tomorrow. There is still time to vote.
BB

Robbie · Post by **Robbie** » Fri Jul 26, 2002 8:57 pm

Robbie · Post by **Robbie** » Fri Jul 26, 2002 9:49 pm

It's too hot out in Big Bother garden. Julia's takes her fan out in the garden, Lyndon slowly flaps a towl in her direction.

Lyndon's in his shorts to sunbath by Big bother pool (reconstructed after Robbie's last antics) " " [translator- lovely weather out here today Julia, pass the suntan oil].

Julia - "mmm yes, its a shame Robbie can't be here, fancy covering himself with cooking oil and falling asleep on the spamspam foil, I do hope those third degree burns clear up".

From above Lyndon and Julia, a faint blurr of an outline descends rapidly towards them. It swoops upwards only at the last possible moment, and gives Lyndon his second shave of the day. Robbie sticks his head out the cockpit and gives the royal wave.

Robbie has spent the weeks in Big Bother secretly on the roof building a glider out of match sticks and selotape. He's always been a fan of colditz.

Robbie's also a fan of the great escape, for he spent many weeks walking around in circles within Big Bother spamspam (to Julia's great annoyance) releasing great mounds of earth from down his trouser legs. He's not sure why, but it clearly shows you have to in the escape films.

Robbie launched himself off the roof. The glider nose dives like a stukka, and rushes towards Lyndon and Julia, but not in the way Robbie had hoped. He gives a wave as the nose dips towards them both at some 120 mph. But the nose rises, for luckily Julia's fan is switched on as Lyndon desperately flaps his towl in Robbie's direction, providing the uplift Robbie needs if he is to escape the Big Bother compound.

Slowly and majestically Robbie soars around Big Bother garden (for he forgot to add the steering) before gracefully descending into Big Bother pool, nose first. An explosion of water drenches both Lyndon and Julia. Robbie slowly staggers towards them in a pink wet suit which was the closest he could find to a flying uniform, and anyway, it felt nice.

Robbie - "my burns feel much cooler now" he says as he makes his way past them "I think I may lay down to rest my eyes for a while".

Robbie.

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[ This Message was edited by: Robbie on 2002-07-26 20:59 ]

Robbie · Post by **Robbie** » Fri Jul 26, 2002 11:37 pm

That evening in the Big Bother lounge something was clearly puzzling Julia.

Julia - " Robbie, you know that wasn't a pink flying suit you were wearing, no, not that, I mean it isn't a wet suit you were wearing, that was stretch rubber glamour wear!"

Robbie'a eyes look a little startled as he chokes on the monkeynuts - but lets not go there.

Robbie. - "Umm, me bought wetsuit in a summer surfing shop, "Anne ......" something me thinks. Told me what I wanted was round the back.

Julia looks concerned.

Robbie - "Me also wonders why felt so cold in water, why I had lots of admirers of my surfing"

Julia and Lyndon make their excuses to pop off to the diary room.

Robbie.

Robbie · Post by **Robbie** » Sat Jul 27, 2002 8:25 pm

A shot rings out, Robbie gives a sharp intake of breath and one last puzzled look towards Julia and Lyndon before he falls flat on his face. Blood oozes out from his chest.

Someones shot Robbie!

Slowly a haze descends upon Robbie's eyes, the world becomes dark. Julia can be heard asking if he'd like a pillow. Lyndon asks Julia if its an appropriate moment to ask Robbie if he wants to donate his Pug. Someone connects a drip, Robbie asks if it can be filled with Heineken to refresh parts that other bullets can't reach. The Big Bother technicians rush about doing nothing particularly useful.

Meanwhile everyone waits with baited breath to see who won Big Bother. A little boy even pulls on his mother's blouse to innocently enquire if Robbie will pull through and utters the words:

W H O......S H O T......R O B B I E.

Robbie.

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[ This Message was edited by: Robbie on 2002-07-27 19:27 ]

Robbie · Post by **Robbie** » Sat Jul 27, 2002 9:18 pm

Ooops, I'd better push this back to the top of the forum or Greg will never find it